“STUPERMAN IS IN THE BUILDING!”

Sorry, I had to. Shout out Kenny Smith.

Who would’ve thought though, huh?

Dwight Howard is a Laker.

And no, you didn’t stumble across a blog post from 2012.

After another tragic injury to Demarcus Cousins, the Lakers had to scramble to cover themselves at center and settled on a non-guaranteed deal for center Dwight Howard. Due to fans’ displeasure with his aforementioned “unsuccessful” 2012-2013 campaign, and his inability to stick everywhere else he’s gone, the surprise signing has been met with a magnitude of criticism.

But first, I have to say tough fuckin’ luck for Boogie, right? This guy battled injury all last season, and showed his ability to fit into a reduced role in Golden State and still be generally impactful on both ends of the floor, particularly on offense. His 11 point, 10 rebound, 6 assist, 2 block performance in Game 2 of the NBA Finals was nothing short of a God-sent for the Dubs at the time, who were searching for answers to their hobbled roster. Up stepped Cousins, who many believed had no shot of playing again in the playoffs after his quad injury in April. Boogie was set to star alongside his buddy AD again, and get a taste of that Tinseltown magic at Staples. To boot, he’s now recently dealing with some legal matters in his personal life to couple with the injury.

I wish the best for Cousins, but I’ll admit my first thoughts were: “What in the hell are the Lakers going to do now?”

The market for centers was grim, Howard sharing prior Laker interest with the equally forgotten Joakim Noah and Mo Speights.

Many believed Noah was best suited to fill the void despite his glory days in Chicago in which he very prominently displayed his disproved taste for the King. Noah has a reputation of being a good locker room presence and a player who leaves everything on the floor for his team. He is also coming off an inspired stay in Memphis.

The Lakers, of course, chose to sign the drama-filled, hard to get along with Howard instead, and here’s why it’s fine.

The non-guaranteed deal allows for the Lakers to cut Howard at any time. So if he stirs any trouble and/or plays at a low level, the Lakers can end the reunion just as quickly as they started it. This should incentivize Howard to be on his best behavior, meaning no griping about his role or his minutes should he lose out on the starting job to Javale McGee (which he will).

Howard basically took off the entirety of last season nursing a back surgery he underwent in November, so he should be ready to go.

As for the locker room rep Dwight’s garnered over his career, there’s no better leader than James, who’s bromance with AD may, honestly, probably not even skip a beat if Howard refuses to fit in. Dwight should enjoy James’s playmaking for easy buckets at the rim, as well as being apart of a competitor for the time since Houston.

Speaking of AD, if you’re wondering why he doesn’t just make up the minutes at center, he doesn’t like playing center. And if you’re a Laker fan fantasizing about Davis staying forever like I am, you’ll do what makes him happy. Not banging with the biggest boys inside will prolong his production, and he likes it that way so, it goes. I have no issues with it. It’s smart.

I know a lot of you Laker fans aren’t happy with this. Believe me, my first thought wasn’t a positive one either. But I think that’s just the sour taste of the 2013 first-round exit talking.

I get it. Dwight came with Nash, and we thought we we’re going to waltz to a title. Dwight would plant his feet as another Laker big man to grace the franchise with rings and happiness. His number would hang with Shaq and Kareem, right beside the title banners he would win us. But it didn’t happen. Kobe tore his Achilles and was never the same. Nash couldn’t stay healthy all year; neither could Dwight. The Spurs wiped us. I remember. I hated it too.

But that time we were asking a LOT more from Dwight Howard. And rightfully so.

But now he’s back after some humbling, journeyman seasons, we can cut him whenever we want, the Lebron-AD duo came to fruition, the pickings were dangerously slim, and all he’s got to do is rebound, bang inside, and catch a few lobs from ‘Bron for 15-20 minutes a night.

And it’s costing us virtually nothing. What’s to cry about? He’s also averaged 17-13-2 blocks for a career, and that’s essentially what he averaged for the purple and gold with a bad back.

So, I’m optimistic. And for the time being, will enjoy torturing my lovely girlfriend by yelling the following every time he touches the ball…